The Truth Will Not Set You Free
by MelanthiaChase
Summary: Milla's been kept in the dark about a lot of things but she's about to be brought into the light. Will she respond like Jax and Gemma want her to or will she follow her own path. This story is an AU that takes place between seasons 4-5. Somewhat part of the Milla/Juice Saga. *Warning* Spoilers for Season 4 and speculation for Season 5 *Warning*
1. Chapter 1

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

**Special note:** This takes place during the time between seasons 4 and 5. At the moment it's an AU because I'm not sure if I'm going to use this in a later fic.

**!Warning**! Contains spoilers for Season 4 and speculation for Season 5 **!Warning!**

This story is dedicated to the wonderful **Verda Napoli.** She planted a seed that came to fruition in this story and I appreciate her help.

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**Truth Will Not Set You Free**

She sat across the table from Jax, loathing and disgust clear in her eyes. He may have been the current Club President and at one time her brother but now he was nothing. He was a villain and a coward who struck when her Father was at his lowest point. A thing that stripped a dying man of all that he had in the world and sitting beside him were the woman she used to call mom but now called slut and at his right hand sat Tara, the new queen, already holding court. Milla felt sick but she sat. Jax had been sneaky and used Juice to get her here, telling him that the Club needed her for something. Well the ruse had worked and now she sat in a room with three people she had a new and virulent hate for.

"It's good to see you Millipede. We've missed you around here" Jax said and Milla just stared. "We miss Espy too."

"You have no right to keep my grandbaby from me." Gemma seethed and Milla turned her face to her mother and looked at her with cold, lifeless, eyes before she turned back to Jax.

"Not now mom." He said petulantly and Gemma pursed her lips. "Listen, I know things are tense right now, but I need you to listen to us and stay calm. We're about to let you in on some heavy shit."

Milla didn't say anything, she just wanted them to speak their peace so she could get home to her baby and make her husband dinner. Juice had been acting like his old self lately and she didn't want that disturbed in any way. If it meant keeping a routine and slowly bringing him back she'd take all the time in the world and turn hers upside down to do it.

"Do you want to say anything?" Tara asked from her place next to Jax and Milla turned to her. When Tara looked in her eyes she shivered, the woman sitting there wasn't the Milla they all knew and loved. This woman was broken and in pain Tara only had the barest inkling of.

"Can we get this over with? I need to get home and make dinner." She sat back in her seat and crossed her arms, effectively cutting herself off from them.

"What did we do to make you hate us?" Gemma asked and Milla snorted, she'd been waiting for this.

"Well, Gemma, you're a hypocrite. How many times was I told 'stand with your man no matter what'? Now here you are flaunting your shit around town when Dad needs you the most. I know he did wrong, but he's learned his lesson. It took losing everything to bring him back to us, but you've gone and started spreading filth about him to anyone who will listen." She turned to Jax with pure maliciousness in her eyes. "Jackie boy, Jaxass, Pres, so high and mighty sitting at the head of that table. How'd you get that gavel huh? That's right you tried to kill a man in his hospital bed and sliced his patches off while he watched. He was already at his lowest point and you jumped like some carrion animal picking the bones clean. To top it off you took the patch without a vote, that went against everything in the rules and bylaws, it's sad that I know them better than you do."

She took a few moments to stare hard at Gemma and Jax, they were never going to be mom or brother to her ever again, before she turned to Tara. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at the woman she used to love as a sister, but now she saw her as something other. She was queen now to Jax's king and it was one monarchy she wouldn't be serving.

"You...I loved you Tara. Even when Gemma hated you and wanted you gone I supported you and built you up. I did everything to make your transition easy and what do you do? You stab me in the back. I know you're the one who told Juice I went to the clinic. I know you encouraged Jax to kill my Father. I'll never forgive you for it and I want you and the other two seated at this table out of my life. Once I leave this table I'm out of yours." She turned her head to look at each of them. "I've already told this to Juice so now you'll know. I'm going civilian, I'm not going to be an Old Lady anymore. The Club is nothing to me anymore and neither are any of you."

She said the last without any shred of doubt. She'd meant every word she said and Gemma felt a pain in her heart. Her little girl had turned her back on her, turned her back on everything she'd been taught in life and Gemma felt sick. She'd be the first to admit that she hadn't wanted a daughter and she'd admit to herself that maybe she hadn't given her girl enough attention as she was growing up but she loved her. She loved her smart, pretty, stubborn little girl as ferociously as she loved her sons and this made the blow that much harder.

"You can't mean that." Jax said and Milla snorted again, she'd meant every word.

"Are we done here?" She asked and Jax looked between his mother an old lady. Each nodded to his silent question.

"We're almost done. We have something that we need to share with you, something that will explain our actions. You need to see it to understand." He said pleadingly and Milla raised her eyebrows.

"Just show me so I can leave here and leave you all behind." She said it harshly and Jax flinched. The little girl who worshipped him was long gone. In response to her suggestion he reached into the bag at his side and withdrew a plane manilla envelope and rose from the table. He made his way and when he reached Milla he set the envelope down and stood by her. as she pulled out what looked like letters. "What are these?"

"They're letters my Dad wrote to his mistress in Ireland before he died. Everything we did will make sense once you read them." He said and Milla looked from them to her mother.

"Mistress in Ireland?" She asked before she looked at the first date on the letter."Was this when Tommy died?"

After that she sat for an hour and read every word in the letters. She got to know John Teller, something she didn't think was possible. In her mind he was weak, a man who couldn't hack being an outlaw. Above all she saw a coward who left his wife to care for a dying child while he sought escape in the arms of a womanchild. She was disgusted with him and with his plans, he wouldn't just have ruined the Club, he would have destroyed his family. She also saw her parents through the eyes of another man. Her parents were carrying on an affair in front of the Club and everyone. Her upbringing told her it was wrong but at the same time Her Dad was there for Gemma when she had no one else and Milla couldn't feel any of the disgust that her upbringing told her she should. She knew they broke about a million club rules but it meant nothing now. The fates had conspired to put her parents together and it didn't matter to her how it happened. Once she finished the letters she read the police report that had been tucked in the back. From the looks of it John's accident hadn't been an accident and Milla knew instinctually who was responsible, who had to be responsible and she closed her eyes. It did explain everything, but it didn't make any difference at all.

"What do you think Mills?" Jax asked, a thread of hope in his voice as Milla put the letters carefully back into the envelope.

"I think..." She took a deep breath. "That this isn't the whole story. Each of these letters is dated in a specific pattern and five of them are missing. The complete picture isn't here."

"What?" He asked and Milla looked over to Gemma who had her poker face on.

"He wrote a letter every day and we're missing May 10th, July 13th, August 20th, October 5th and November 2nd. This shows me that someone went through and culled these letters." She explained and Jax gave her a look that said he wasn't listening so she just sighed and continued. "What am I supposed to feel, huh? Betrayed? Disgusted with my Dad? Sympathetic to you?"

"You're supposed to understand!" He shouted in his typical way and Milla nodded.

"I do understand, you felt like you were avenging your father and Gemma is a hypocrite. I also understand that Tara was defending her family, but she still betrayed me." Milla sighed then pinched the bridge of her nose. "Understanding doesn't equal forgiveness."

"Jesus Christ!" Jax yelled in anger and Milla remained seated. She'd said her peace. "How can you still support him after what he's done? Why do you defend him?"

"He's my Daddy, the only person who's been there for me no matter what. He's been my rock and my pillar my entire life, when my world came crashing down he was there to make it right again. He's always been the one person in this world I could count on. The love I have for that man won't go away because you say it should, I adore my Dad and this information hasn't changed that at all. I'm sorry Jax but I'll stick by my father." She said and Jax took a deep breath.

"He killed my father." He said in a strained voice and Milla nodded.

"And he's my father. I know what he did was wrong and hurt a lot of people, but it was the right thing for the Club. As far as history shows anyway. It would take a cosmic shift for me to hate my Dad and the cosmos are still in order." She said and Jax hung his head. There seemed to be no talking sense to her. She had a fanatical love for Clay and refused to see the light. Instead she'd turned on them and turned on the club and Jax didn't know what to do with this.

"So that's it? Clay over anything else?" Gemma asked and Milla nodded.

"Not everything, not over Espy or Juice but everything else. I love my Dad and will stick by him and support him. Especially when no one else will." She said before she stood. "If that's all I'll just head out now. I have to relieve Neeta and start dinner. Now I ask that you all lose my number and forget about me and Esperanza, my child and I are no longer your concern."

She didn't say anything else, no farewell, no 'i'm sorry', nothing. She just walked out the front door and the three at the table sat like stone. Gemma afraid to move and lose her composure, Jax afraid to fly into a rage over losing his sister and Tara afraid to cry over the loss of the one woman she truly trusted in the world.

They remained in their stone like silence for a long while before Gemma stood and walked outside. Once she was alone in her Caddy she turned her radio up full blast and screamed. Clay had done it, he'd torn her family apart, he'd taken her daughter from her. It was one more tally on the list of sins her former man had committed against her and she'd see him dead for it.

Jax sat for a few moments more before he ran a shaking hand through his hair. He wouldn't scream, he wouldn't yell and he wouldn't put forth the effort to hit things. Milla had made her choice and as much as it hurt him he'd honor it. If he was nothing to her then she'd be nothing to him.

Tara took a deep breath before she stood and walked into the kitchen. It was done, there was nothing more to be said. They had clearly drawn a line in the sand and Milla had remained on the opposing side. She still loved her and would still worry about her but Milla had made bed and now she had to lie in it.

…

"Mama!" Her baby squealed as she came through the door and Milla brushed the last of her tears off her cheeks before she picked up her little girl and hugged her tight.

"Oh baby, Mama missed you." She said as Espy kissed her cheek.

"She missed her Mama too. Wouldn't shut up about it." A voice says from the doorway and Milla looks up to smile at her Dad who's leaning against the doorway with his oxygen at his side.

"Hi Daddy." Milla says quietly before she walks to him and kisses his cheek. In that moment she knows that she made the right choice. He needs her and she'll always be there.

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...

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**Author's Note:** Life has been weird lately and this story wouldn't leave my head. With season 5 approaching fast I've had a lot of things running through my head and this story came out of that. I'm not certain if I'm going to use these events in a later fic but for now they fit the storm in my head perfectly. Thank you in advance for reading and reviewing, I can't possibly tell you how much I appreciate your support.


	2. Falling Apart

**I own nothing you recognize. All original character and storylines are my own.**

**Special note: **I had initially intended this story as a one shot but at the encouragement of my reviewers and a persistent voice in my head telling me to continue I came to the conclusion that there was more to this story. So here it is and I warn you, things are about to get dark.

**Falling Apart**

As Milla unmade her bed she heard the tell-tale sound of pipes coming down the street and breathed a sigh of relief when they stopped in the driveway. Juice was home later than usual but that was to be expected. The shift in power hadn't been easy on any of them and they had the unenviable duty to make it run smoothly. For her man's sake she hoped it went well; For her father's pride she hoped Jax crashed and burned.

Once she was finished with the bed she stripped off her robe and crawled into bed where she waited. Soon enough she heard his feet on the steps and smiled to herself when she heard the door to Espy's room open. He always went there first when he got home. A few minutes later she heard his light footsteps and looked up as he walked into the room.

"Hey babe." He said quietly as he walked into the room and started removing his clothes. His voice was weary and strained and Milla knew he'd had a trying day. No doubt her conversation with Jax and the others was a contributing factor.

"Hey, long day?" She asked and Juice rolled the muscles in his neck and back before he unbuckled his fatigues.

"Fuck yeah, shit's still not right." He said as he stripped into his boxers then made it to the bed. "How'd it go?"

He asked as he crawled into bed and pulled her so that she was lying against his chest. She melted into him and sighed. She owed him the truth bu she didn't want to tell him what she knew. He had enough shit to deal with.

"I said my peace, they said theirs, it's done. They're out of my life now." She said and he leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

"You still sure about this all Milla? You can still go back, talk to them. Your Ma will take you back with open arms." At the insistent tone in his voice Milla jerked away from him and turned. When he looked into her eyes he saw anger and betrayal in them and immediately reached out to caress her face. "Listen to me, I know you love your Dad, but you need your Ma. Especially now."

His hand moved from her face and gently rubbed her stomach. His gesture saying more than words. Still she felt anger coursing through her.

"Don't you get it? They. Tried. To. Kill. My. Dad." She emphasized each word as she spoke. "I can never forgive them."

She said the last in a voice that was lost and defeated and Juice pulled her into his arms again. So much was happening, not just to their family but Charming and he just wanted his lady safe. The best way to remain safe would be for her to be surrounded by family and friends, particularly friends with patches on their backs. Instead she opted to separate herself entirely from the Club and even an order from him wouldn't change her mind.

"Then I guess you're out. No more Club shit and no more truth. I can't tell you shit now baby." He ran a hand down her back and felt her nod.

"I know and it's what I want. I'm not a Club woman anymore Carlos, I can't be. Everytime I see the Reaper bile rises in my throat. I love you, but I can't support the Club anymore. I can't handle anymore betrayals." With that she reached a hand up and lightly touched the bruise she'd been hiding so expertly with concealer. Proof of Tara's betrayal and evidence of the change in her husband.

When she touched her cheek Juice flinched, as he remembered what had led to it. He'd been working in the garage when Tara had come up to him and told him that there was something he should know. She'd seen Milla at the family planning clinic in Lodi and when she'd gone to Milla's van later that afternoon she'd seen pamphlets and literature on abortions. It didn't take a genius to realize what Tara had seen. When Juice had confronted Milla with what he heard she didn't deny it. In fact she told him that she'd planned to go through with the abortion. That was how Juice found out he was going to be a father again and that his wife was going to snuff out that new life. In a moment all the pain, rage and angst he''d felt for the last month and a half came out and he hit her, and kept hitting her until she was taken to the ground, sobbing and trying to protect her head and middle. As soon as he stopped he bent down to pick her up and he saw a sight that killed him. She cowered away from him, her eyes wide with fear and betrayal. She didn't say a word to him as she scrabbled away on her hands and feet until she reached the wall and she sat there just staring at him while he repeatedly apologized with tears streaming down his own face. Eventually he couldn't take the look in her eyes anymore and he left the house. When he got back that night he found Milla at the stove making his dinner with sunglasses hiding her eyes.

After that she didn't talk to him for days and refused to look at him. She even slept in Espy's room so she didn't have to share his bed. During this time Juice did everything he could to make it up to her but he didn't know how. He'd raised his hand to her and broken a promise he'd made before they'd even been together. She'd trusted him and believed in him and he'd broken that trust. Eventually she started talking to him again but there was a distance between them that hadn't been lessened yet.

"I'm sorry Mi-" Juice started but she sat up and placed her finger to his lips, silencing him.

"Don't, I've heard it so many times and I know you mean it. Just...just support me with this. Getting away from them and away from the Club is the only way we can move past the shit, the only way we can find any kind of peace." She leaned down to kiss him and let him take charge. Soon enough he had her underneath him with his hand between her thighs. They might not have been at a hundred percent yet but the sex was still their purest form of communication. When he couldn't make love to her anymore, that's when he'd know it was over.

…

"Ok ladies, line up!" She called out as she walked onto the main floor in the studio and surveyed everyone. She smiled and nodded to most of the women but when she saw Ima and Lyla her smile turned to a look of disgust but she shook it off and held up the forms in her hands. "These are your new employment vouchers. The state of California insists that all adult entertainers have them. All I need you to do is sign them and attach a copy of your most recent blood tests and AIDS cards. If you're missing either you're off the roster until you can supply them. Here ya go."

She handed each woman their papers and let them go off to get what they needed, until she got to Lyla and Ima. She smiled at them as she stood in front of them, carrying a different set of paperwork, paperwork that made her viciously happy. Especially since it was all on the laws and bylaws of the state of California, she was just the messenger.

"What I have for you ladies is something different. Come into my office." She found herself grinning evilly as she walked to her office with them trailing behind. Once inside she closed the door behind them and bid them sit.

"What is this Mills?" Lyla asked almost fearfully and Milla almost winced at the familiarity. When the bitch had abandoned Ellie and Kenny she'd lost every bit of Milla's respect.

"First of all it's Mrs. Ortiz and secondly I have some bad news. Neither of you are eligible to work for Big Don Studios or any other adult studio for at least six months. You allowed your AIDS cards to lapse without formal testing and didn't have your blood test results in in the accepted time frame. Having you here is a risk to the talent and we can't have that." She said with fake sympathy before she went into her desk drawer and took out the rest of the packet. "Along with your dismissal paperwork I'm including a severance package. You are no longer employed at Big Don Studios but once the six month ban is done you can come back and audition. If we need someone with your...skillset...we'll hire you back. Any Questions?"

"Why are you doing this you fucking cunt?" Ima asked and Milla clucked her tongue.

"I'm not doing it, the state of California is and if you become abusive I will have security escort you off the premises and you're severance package will be removed." She said as she felt a sadistic thrill go through her at the hopelessness on Lyla's face.

"How can I take care of my son? You're a mother Milla, how can you do this to another mother?" Lyla asked and Milla looked at her steadily.

"Again, this is not me, it's the regulations on the adult film industry as outlined by the state of California. As for how you will raise Piper, I recommend you get clean and move back in with your grandmother. She loves you and is financially stable enough to care for you and your son as you wait out this ban." She said and Lyla looked stricken before Milla handed each woman the severance package.

As they left Lyla remained silent while Ima vowed revenge and Milla just stood in her doorway and watched as Dwight, one of the guards, escorted the women to their dressing rooms. After that she sat down and resumed her day. She had a lot of paperwork to get through.

As the day came to an end Milla felt a restlessness enter her bones. She needed to do something, talk to someone and she knew just who that someone had to be so she made her way to Chantal's office and stood in the doorway while Chantal finished her call. Once she was off the phone she looked at Milla and Milla was too distracted to note the unease that set on Chantal's face.

"Can I help you with anything Milla?" She asked and Milla pushed herself off the doorway and sat across from her best friend.

"Yeah, I'm feeling antsy and need to get out. I was wondering if you'd want to go out for tapas or something after work. Neeta has Espy so I know an hour or two would be fine." As she smiled she saw Chantal's face morph into what could only be labeled as regret.

"I can't Milla, in fact I don't think I'll be able to spend any time with you outside of work anymore." She said it quickly, like ripping off a bandaid. Milla stared for a second as she tried to make sense of what Chantal, her best friend, just told her.

"What?" Milla asked dumbly and a tear leaked from the corner of Chantal's eye.

"I can't spend time with you anymore. I had a long talk with Phil last night and he made it clear to me. If I wanna be a good Old Lady and support him and the Club I have to cut you out. He said you turned your back on the Club." She said in a voice strangled with emotion and Milla looked at her with stricken eyes,

"I turned my back on the Club, but not on you. You're my best friend Chantal, I love you and I know you love me. How can you just ignore our history? How can you abandon me?" Milla asked as tears poured down her cheeks and Chantal swallowed as a new wave of tears choked her.

"I'm just doing what you taught me Milla, I'm standing by my man, supporting him and the Club that we both love. He's the newest patch, things are hard enough for him already. He needs me to stay in line, I can't embarrass him by flaunting a relationship with you." She said imploringly and Milla continued to cry.

"I'm just going civilian, it doesn't mean I'm a traitor. I'm still Milla, I'm still your friend. I've just shifted my loyalties a bit." Milla explained and Chantal nodded.

"That's just it, your loyalties. Don't you get it? We can't trust you now, can't trust that you won't turn on the Club and that's why we have to keep our distance. I can't jeopardize my man's patch by being with you. I love him and this Club too damn much." Chantal said and Milla stood. She knew Chantal well enough to know that this was the end of their debate. Chantal had made her point.

"I love you Chanty and when you realize I'm still the same Milla who loves you unconditionally I'll still be here. Please tell Phil I understand where you stand and I hope one day you'll understand why I made the choice I did." After the farewell she silently made her way out of the office and went back to her own where she locked the door behind her and drew the blinds. She had a broken heart and needed to let the pain out.

…

Juice stood under the spray of the shower, washing away as much evidence as he could. He winced as the water hit the scratches on his back and took a deep breath. He'd fucked up, fucked up big time ad it was his hope that Milla would be too stuck in her own head to pay him attention. As he reached for his shampoo he noticed perfect half-moon indentations on his arm and looked around the shower for something that could remove them. The last thing he wanted was his wife seeing the proof of just how far he'd sunk, to see more reasons to leave.

Quickly grabbing the shampoo he lathered up his head then ran his hands over his body quickly before he grabbed a washcloth and soap. It didn't make a difference though, no matter how hard he scrubbed he couldn't seem to get the whore's smell off his body and he felt his stomach convulse in a dry heave. He was going to lose his wife and he didn't know how ro handle it.

…

Milla walked through the door and mechanically placed her bag on the table by the door and hung her keys on the rack. She felt lost, alone and confused. Cutting the Club from her life was supposed to be a good thing, a way to start fresh without the hate that permeated everything she did. Now she discovered that this choice was going to destroy her and she wouldn't go back to how it was before, she couldn't. As she walked through the house she found a note from Neeta on the kitchen table, she'd taken Espy to Storytime and Milla was grateful. She wouldn't have been a good mommy right now and she needed the time to get back to herself. She needed to digest everything. With a heavy sigh she ascended the steps and noticed Carlod's clothes strewn around the room as soon as she entered the door. It was an odd site. Carlos was a neat freak with OCD who had to fold his clothes and hang them before he could go about his routine. To see them like this shook her. Absently she wandered over the the bed and picked up his shirt and she was immediately assailed by the pungent, mingling scents of pussy and perfume. Not an odd combination when coming from the clubhouse but the strength of the smells was jarring. While she leaned again to pick up his boxers the door opened and Carlos walked out, nervously drying himself with jerky movements. As he turned to her she noticed the obvious bruises on his collar bone, bruises made by another woman's mouth. As her eyes drifted downward she noticed more marks and took a deep breath as her eyes met his. The guilt in those brown eyes told the whole story but she needed more.

"Why?" She asked him as she folded his shirt and set it on the bed before she turned her eyes back to his and he broke down.

"I didn't mean for it to happen, I'm still not entirely sure how it happened. I'd been taking shots with Rat and Phil came over. He told me that the guys were questioning your loyalty and mine and that you were leading me around by the the dick. They said...they said they couldn't trust me if they couldn't trust you and I panicked. I did the only thing I could think of, I showed them I was in control of my own dick. I took one of the new whores back. I wasn't gonna do anything. I swear baby." He pleaded as he looked into his wife's eyes, eyes that had turned cold and distant. "When we got to the room she started rubbing against me and it felt so good that my dick took over. It didn't mean anything, you're the only one who's ever meant anything."

He continued to watch Milla as she sat in the bed and stared ahead of her. She felt so cold, almost as cold as she felt when Donna died and the thought would have scared her...if she wasn't beyond caring. With a deep breath she managed to come to her senses for a brief moment and turned her head to her husband, giving him a look that chilled him to the bone.

"Do you question my loyalty?" She asked him in a voice so pained that he felt like he'd been punched in the gut.

"No baby, I know you'd never rat, I know we can trust you to keep your mouth shut. I know I can trust you." He said with fervor and Milla continued to look at him with eyes that were filled with a pain so raw he winced.

"I...I did everything for you, I loved you and built you a home. I gave you a daughter and risked my life to do it. I know your secret and I keep it because I don't want you hurt or killed. I've stood by you when any other woman would've bailed and you reward my loyalty by fucking a whore...in Charming...in my home..." She said the last softly before she stood and started to leave the room. Juice ran after her and caught up with her as she was putting on her shoes.

"Milla, baby, where are you going? We need to talk about this." He said and when he went to touch her she moved her head up and looked at him with eyes that held no warmth, no spark of life, but she answered him.

"There's nothing more to talk about. I'm going to the library to get my daughter. I may be back and I may not...I'm not sure there's anything here for me anymore." She said softly before she turned her back on him and finished getting ready, then she was out the door.

As Juice watched her go he felt his knees go weak as he stumbled to the couch. He'd lost her...one stupid mistake had taken the other half of his soul away and there was no telling if he could get her back.

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**….**

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**Author's Note:** Wow that took a dark turn, I had something else planned but the muse took over and this came out. I'm thinking there's going to be one more chapter in this story, there might be more but I feel one would round it off nicely. Let me know what you think and, as always I appreciate your feedback. Thank you for reading and reviewing.


	3. The Final Straw

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters are my own.**

**The Final Straw**

Juice was sitting at the kitchen table staring at the empty beer bottles in front of him when the door opened. He looked up, his eyes bleary from tears and alcohol and saw Milla standing with Espy sleeping in her arms. She didn't say anything as she moved past him. He listened to her footsteps as they ascended the steps and ran a hand over his face. He was grateful she was home, but for how long?

Milla laid her sleeping girl in her crib then ran a hand over her little face. Her baby was getting so big and was already so beautiful. As she ran her fingers through Espy's curls, curls that were getting tighter and more brittle as the months went by, she was grateful that Juice's heritage hadn't come out in more obvious and unexplainable ways. While she watched her baby sleep Juice entered the room and stood beside her at the crib.

"She's beautiful." He said quietly and Milla nodded in agreement. "I didn't think you'd be back."

"I had nowhere else to go and no matter how I feel about you right now you're still her father." She turned to look at him and for all the pain and resentment she felt, she still loved him. "I'll be sleeping in the guest bedroom downstairs."

"No, you take the bed, I'll go to the basement." He said as he shook his head and Milla pursed her lips.

"I can't sleep there, not right now. I can't be surrounded by your scent, feel the space you normally take up. I just can't do it I'm so angry and hurt right now that I don't know what to do. Distance is the only answer now." She explained and he nodded.

"I swear it'll never happen again baby." He swore and reached out to caress her cheek, pleased when she didn't pull away.

"I'm going downstairs." She said quickly before she sprinted out of the room and down the stairs while Juice sucked in a breath and let it out slowly before he turned back to his daughter. No matter what happened he'd do everything in his power to make sure that she was happy.

…

Three days later Milla sat in a booth at Stumpy's having lunch with her father. So much had happened since the last time she'd seen him. She needed to spend time with him, she needed to know that she'd made the right decision. As she looked across the booth at her father and took in his oxygen tubes and despondent look she knew she'd made the right choice but the cost was proving to be a steep one.

"I overheard some shit at the clubhouse." Clay said almost absently as he cut up his meatloaf. "Heard that you were goin' civilian, that you turned your back on the Club. How much is true?"

"I am going civilian Daddy, I can't support the Club after what Jax did to you." She said and Clay nodded as he put more salt on his meal.

I appreciate your loyalty Angel but I taught you better than that. The Club is life and you're an Old Lady, your job is to support your man and the Club. Juice is a good man and deserves a good woman." He said as he looked at her and she couldn't stop a tear from rolling down her cheek.

"I think he's already auditioning replacements." She said before she could stop herself. This was her issue, she didn't need to include him in her suffering. Besides, he was sure to have a different opinion.

"I heard about that too. Men make mistakes, it's what happens when you have a dick. He's sorry and he'll make it up to you." There was a tone of finality in his voice and Milla knew the subject was closed. "Next time we meet up bring Espy, I miss my little angel."

At his request Milla nodded and picked at her food. Her stomach was churning as her father's words rolled around in her head. He wanted her to support the Club that turned on him, she understood his point but she couldn't go back to the Club, no matter how miserable she was as an outsider.

…

"Paper or plastic?" The bag boy asked once Milla was rung up.

"Paper please." She said absently as she placed her credit card back in her wallet. "Can you bring those out for me?"

"Certainly Mrs. Ortiz." She smiled at the boy then led the way out to the van where she opened up the back and watched him setting her bags in an orderly manner.

Just then there was a squeal of tires and the world slowed down as Milla heard a sound she'd wished she'd never hear again. Gunshots rang through the air and Milla hit the ground, but the bag boy wasn't so lucky. All Milla could do was scream and roll under the van as the bullets that were meant for her peppered the young man. If she'd been in her right mind she would have heard the screams from the young mother in the next spot as she cradled her lifeless baby in her arms and was in too much shock to feel the wound that pierced her side. If she'd been able to feel anything other than the numb cold that ran through her veins, she would have felt the warm blood seeping from between her legs and the cramping that had started in her stomach. She'd hit the ground far too hard.

In a matter of moments that felt like years the hail of bullets stopped and the shooters got away clean. Milla didn't even have to guess who was responsible for the carnage, it was Lobos Sonora and everything that had just happened was the Club's fault and she felt a cool hate enter her heart. She hated the Sons of Anarchy, hated everything about them. As the hate entered her she felt some of her shock start to wear off and her stomach ached with cramps that were so bad she doubled in on herself and took deep breath after deep breath. When she heard the squeal of sirens she pulled herself out from under the van, screaming as her hand slipped in the bag boy's blood and she fell again but she quickly got up and kept moving. She continued to crawl slowly knowing she couldn't stand. As she struggled a familiar voice spoke above her.

"Mrs. Ortiz?" Sheriff Roosevelt asked before she clutched his legs and stared at him pleadingly, it was then that he noticed the blood on her jeans that couldn't have come from anyone else and he yelled. "Get some EMTs over here! We've got an injured woman!"

He knelt down and held her as she clutched him. He was an enemy who had driven her husband to attempt suicide and almost ruined her life but at the moment he was a warm body and genuinely wanted to help her. He hugged her tightly and looked for the EMTs, she was hurt and needed help. Her affiliations didn't matter, neither did his.

…

"You're very lucky Milla." Dr. Nior said as she ran the transducer over Milla's lower stomach. "The baby is fine, you've just shaken some of the lining from your uterus and the fall caused some minor convulsions in your uterus. We'll put you on Iron and B-12 supplements to replace what was lost. I also recommend that you rest as much as you can. Maybe you should...take a vacation..."

Dr. Nior gave Milla a look that spoke volumes, she was recommending that she hightail it out of Dodge and for once Milla wasn't outraged. She was just pleased that someone cared about her well being.

"Can I go home? I need to see my daughter." She asked and Dr. Nior shook her head.

"I'm sorry but we need to keep you overnight for observation. We need to make sure you haven't damaged anything else internally. You wait here, I'll just go and make sure a room is set up for you." Dr. Nior said and Milla nodded as tears started to fall from her eyes again. She sobbed as she waited for her transport. She needed to stop this, there had to be a way to stop this.

…

"Baby! Jesus Christ!" At Juice's exclamation Milla looked away from the tv and gave him a perfunctory glance before she turned back. He may have been wearing a hoodie but she knew what was underneath and the thought caused bile to rise in her throat. "Is the baby?"

At the question Milla looked over at him and he crossed the room to take a seat but when he tried to hold her hand she jerked away. She didn't want him to touch her, not now and maybe never again.

"The baby's fine." She said brusquely as she turned back to the tv before she quickly jerked her head back to him. "Where's Espy? They wouldn't let me call Neeta."

"Umm...Neeta doesn't have her." He said and as Milla rose and tried to take out her IV's he grabbed her and held her to the bed as he finished his answer. "Calm down, Gemma has her. We heard about the shooting and she went to the house and got Espy. Espy's in the clubhouse right now, Jax ordered a lockdown. I'm supposed to stay here with you."

"Get the fuck off of me!" She yelled before she started to thrash, but he held tight. "I hate you! I hate the Club! And I want my daughter! I need my daughter!"

She yelled and fought before she broke down and sobbed, but when Juice tried to pull her into his arms she struggled and tried to hit him. She got so worked up that he had to let her go and when he did she glared at him.

"Why does Gemma have my daughter?" She asked in a low, cold voice and Juice ran a hand along the back of his neck before he answered.

"It was all her decision, I had no part in it. It's not a bad thing, wouldn't you rather have Espy surrounded by people that love her and would die for her while you're in here? Once you're out and the lockdown's off we can all go home, then you don't have to deal with her again." He said and Milla continued to glare.

"Get. My. Daughter. Here. Now." She demanded and he shook his head. There seemed to be no appeasing her.

"Do you want our daughter to die?" He asked her and she glared at him with so much hate he felt his chest tighten. "Listen, the safest place in the world for her to be right now is the clubhouse. We've got guards and guns, she'll be fine if she stays put."

"How many died?" She asked suddenly, not wanting to keep this fight going, especially since she knew he was right.

At the grocery store? There were five dead, including an eighteen month old girl." He said and Milla felt her chest get tight and her head spun. Eighteen months? The little girl was only a little older than Espy. As she sunk into misery she remembered his first question.

"The grocery store? Were there more places hit?" She asked and he rubbed the back of his neck again.

"Yeah, there were...Umm, they hit Madge's store...she's dead and so is Chelsea. Bully's a wreck and is ready to go on a rampage. He's blaming SAMCRO for everything." He said as he watched her eyes fill with tears as she heard about her friend's death. "They also hit Floyd's, he was lucky and only had a flesh wound, but there were some casualties. The target had been Tara, she'd taken Abel there to get his hair cut."

"Why? Why now?" She asked rhetorically, she knew he'd already told her too much.

"We'll find out. You get some rest now and I'll call Chibs, see what's up." He started to walk away but she clutched his hand and he turned.

"Have someone tell Bully that I'm so sorry. I loved Chelsea." She said and Juice leaned down to kiss her forehead. When he pulled away he almost winced at the look of revulsion in her eyes but nodded.

After he left she moved over to the side of the bed and took out the picture she'd secreted in the nightstand. As she looked at it she felt resolve enter her bones. There was her child, a life she'd only a few weeks ago wanted to end. She had been thinking of what was best for her and for Juice when she'd made the decision. She'd been afraid that Juice's blood would produce a baby whose color she couldn't explain without risking his life, without risking her life. Now as she looked at the picture she realized that she didn't care if the baby was black, brown or green. She'd love it no matter what color it was, she already loved it. She ran her finger over the small smudge that was her baby and made a vow. She'd do everything in her power to protect her children. Even if it meant leaving the only home she'd ever known and the only people she truly loved.

* * *

...

* * *

**Author's Note:**This has officially turned into an AU. Unless Sutter takes a dark and entirely hopeless turn this won't be the way things shape up for Milla and Juice in season 5. As always thank you for reading and reviewing.


	4. Escape

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

**Escape**

"You have a visitor." V-Lin said from his place by her doorway and Milla simply looked at him. She'd been getting a steady stream of visitors over the last few days so it wasn't a surprise that another had shown up. She inclined her head to accept and he nodded before he walked out the door again. She heard harsh whispers then something ruffled eventually a familiar head of salt and pepper hair entered.

"We need to stop meeting like this." Elliot said as he walked to the bed and leaned down to kiss Milla's cheek. Over the last month, since Elliot lost the Charming Heights contract and stopped working with Hale, they'd gone back to being friends. She was glad to have him back in her life and even more glad to have a visitor that wasn't a Son or a porn star.

"I'm so glad you're here Elliot. How's Tris liking her new school?" She asked and Elliot smiled.

"She really likes it. She says the girls are nice and the headmistress makes sure she meets with her counselor every week. She's adjusting so well." He smiled wider before he looked at Milla's face and lost the smile. "What's wrong, other than the obvious?"

"If I told you something would you promise not to tell anyone?" She harshly whispered and he nodded. "I can't say it so I'll write it."

She reached over into the nightstand by her bed and took out a notepad and pen that she'd had a nurse get her. As Elliot watched she wrote out her requests.

_I need to leave Charming. As soon as possible._

"What?" He asked and Milla tore off the page and wrote more.

_Nothing's right anymore. My family's divided, we're at war and I need to protect my children. It's the only way._

She looked into his eyes and he was taken aback by the desperation and fear in them. She wasn't exaggerating, she needed to leave.

"How can I help you?" He asked and she wrote hastily on the notebook.

_I need money_

"How much?" He asked as he moved closer. What she was proposing was crazy and seemed a bit like a knee jerk reaction, but he knew Milla. He knew she'd already worked out the plan in her head and understood every risk. The rewards must have trumped the risks for her to do this.

_I need enough to build a new life, a safe life away from all the shit_

When Elliot read her note he took a deep breath. Under any other circumstances he would have written her a blank check, but with the loss of revenue from the land and the Charming Heights deal he'd had to cut a lot. As he was contemplating her got a brilliant idea.

"When you get out of here meet me at my office. I know how I can help you." He said quickly before he took the paper she had written on and placed it in his pocket. The last thing he wanted was for them to find it. He knew how much danger she'd be in if they found out and how much he'd be in too.

"Thank you Elliot. It was great to see you. Please give Tris my love." She said and he leaned to kiss her cheek.

"You're welcome and I will." He squeezed her hand before he moved toward the door. "Get well soon."

Once he left Milla laid back on the pillows and took a deep breath. Elliot would help her, she knew it. Now all she had to do was figure out how she was going to get away. She knew she'd be watched like a hawk as soon as she left the hospital..

…

"Hey babygirl." Milla smiled brightly as she held her arms out to her daughter who practically jumped out of Gemma's arms.

"Mama!" Espy snuggled close to her mother as Gemma took a seat by the bed.

"She misses you, asks about you every two minutes." Gemma said and Milla pointedly ignored her to focus on her daughter.

"Don't worry baby, Mama will be home soon and then she'll be with you all the time." She said as she kissed Espy's cheek while the little girl began jabbering away with her baby talk.

"You quittin' the studio?" Gemma asked and Milla looked at her out of the corner of her eyes.

"That's none of your concern." She said in clipped tones as she handed Espy the small Dora plush she'd dropped on the bed.

"Your health and wellbeing sure as hell are my concern. I'm still your mother." Gemma said and Milla snorted.

"How many times do we need to go over this Gemma? You're nothing to me anymore, just a woman in town, of no consequence to me whatsoever. I do appreciate you looking out for my daughter but once I'm out of the hospital that's over." She said as she leaned up and blew a raspberry on Espy's cheek, causing the little girl to giggle like crazy.

"What about when the new baby's born?" Gemma asked, remembering the struggle Milla had raising Espy at first.

"Again that's none of your concern. My babies are mine and you have no place in our lives anymore." With that Milla put an end to the conversation and focused solely on Esperanza. Her babies were her world.

…

Three days later Milla got out of the hospital with the recommendation that she rest as much as possible. To facilitate this she took time off at the studio. Dondo was a bit put out by the thought of his personal assistant not being around but he understood that her health was a top priority. Besides she did do some work for him while she was at home, so he wasn't completely screwed.

When Milla got to leave she was allowed home. The lockdown was called off and Lobos Sonora was laying low for a while. At home Milla followed the doctor's orders and rested as much as possible. With Neeta's help she managed to keep the house in good condition and care for her daughter. As she got stronger she started to plan her escape in more elaborate detail. With Elliot's assistance things were shaping up nicely and Milla discovered that as frightened as she was by the myriad of possibilities, she was more relieved that she had a way out. Juice was oblivious to her plans and was put off by her coldness so he spent the majority of his time at the clubhouse, only coming home to see his daughter and get changes of clothes. Milla was glad that he was gone and she didn't have to pretend to be the perfect wife anymore. In the end it would make it that much easier to leave because, as much as she hated to admit it, she still loved the fool. Now she stood on the stoop at Opie's house, preparing for what was sure to be an awkward and painful conversation. Yet another change she was about to endure.

"Milla?" Opie asked softly as he opened the door and stared at the woman who used to be like a sister to him but now he had cut ties with her. As long as she supported Clay she had no right to be in his life and since she had done similar things to Gemma and Jax, she couldn't argue.

"Can I come in? I know we have our issues but I need to talk to you. It's too important." She said desperately and Opie found himself letting her in and guiding her to the couch while he sat at the chair opposite.

"What do you want Milla?" He asked without preamble and she took a deep breath.

"I know we've had our issues and right now you don't feel like you can trust me but I need you to trust me and keep everything we talk about between us." She pleaded and Opie looked steadily at her and she took a deep breath and continued. "I'm leaving Charming."

She said the last quickly and Opie raised an eyebrow. He was sure he'd heard her wrong. Charming was her home and he knew she wouldn't leave without good reason.

"Why?" He asked her and Milla took a deep breath.

"There's nothing here for me anymore. I mean I could have gotten past Juice's betrayal and found a medium with Gemma and Jax but the shooting was the last straw. I can't stay here and have a target on my back and I can't risk my babies lives." She confessed and Opie took a deep breath.

"Why are you telling me this?" He asked and Milla swallowed thickly before she continued.

"When I said I can't risk my babies...I meant all of them. Ellie and Kenny too." She said softly and Opie's eyes widened. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You want to take my children from me?" He asked and there was an edge of anger in his voice and Milla put up her hands.

"Calm down and let me explain," She said before she continued. "I want your children to be safe, be raised in a world different from the one you and I were raised in. They've already seen too much and lost too much and with the cartel shit...there's a good chance we could all end up dead. If they come with me they'll have a chance. A chance to heal, a chance to grow and a chance to live a life not swallowed up by the Club or Charming."

As she continued to plead Opie felt his heart squeeze in his chest. Everything she said made complete sense and he couldn't deny that it sounded good. He did want a good life for his children, he did want them safe and protected but he was their father, he couldn't abandon his children. Not even to a woman he still loved like family.

"I can't, I can't let you do this. They're my children, they need me." He said before he looked at her with a scrutinizing stare. "What about Juice? Are you taking his kid away from him?"

"Yes." Milla answered without a second's hesitation. "He's too deep and he's changed so much. He's not the man I married anymore and I'm sure that if I stay I'll wind up dead and he's not fit to raise our children. He's too deep in his own shit. I can't let our kids grow up like that, with a parent that can't even leave their own head."

She gave him an imploring look and he felt his stomach lurch. She wasn't just describing Juice she was describing him, If his kids stayed with him they'd end up orphans or worse. If he let her take them that didn't mean he'd never see them again or never talk to them again. He was starting to see the upsides, but he couldn't make a kneejerk decision, he had to weigh all of his options, he had to talk to his children. He looked at her for a long time before he spoke.

"Let me think about this. It's too big of a decision to make without thinking things through. When do you need to know?" He asked and cursed himself. He really shouldn't have been thinking like this.

"As soon as you can. I'm still working everything out but I can promise you. If you agree to this I will do everything in my power to give your children a good life and they will never feel unloved or unwanted." She said earnestly and Opie stood and she stood with him and walked with him to the door. As she stood outside she begged him. "Please don't tell anyone I was here and please think about this, for Ellie and Kenny."

"You can trust me. I'll stay silent." Milla nodded then turned but before she could get far he got her attention. "What about Clay?"

"I still love my Father but he'd never understand. I have to go and make a life for my children. That means leaving everyone and everything I've loved and known behind." She said and Opie nodded as he closed the door. He had a lot to think about.

…

"So, you have a house and job ready for me?" Milla asked as she looked over the documents Elliot set in front of her.

"Yes, I also have some documentation for you and Esperanza. My man's on standby if you need the Winston children to receive new docs." He said as he placed a thick manila envelope in front of Milla which contained new birth certificates, passports and other forms of identification for her and Espy. "I have to ask again Milla. Are you completely sure? No doubts in your mind?"

"Completely, I need to get away Elliot. Everything that's happened in the last two weeks has proven it." She touched her cheek and winced as the memory flooded back. Juice had come home one night, angry and horny. He'd lost complete control of himself and demanded sex. Milla told him to sleep it off and he slapped her. It had only been one hit and he'd apologized as soon as he'd sobered up but that had been it for Milla. He wasn't her Juice anymore. He'd changed far too much.

"Alright, I have all of the details for you in this packet. Read them through then I'll keep them here. We don't want anyone to find them." He said and Milla nodded as a feeling of overwhelming relief washed over her. She was almost free.

…

Opie sat at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. He'd had two weeks to make up his mind, two long and agonizing weeks but he couldn't do it. When he weighed his options they stacked up evenly. He'd gone over it so many times that he came to a conclusion, he had to talk to the kids, figure out what they thought. As he continued to think the front door opened and Ellie walked through with Kenny following behind, each looking like the weight of the world was on their shoulders.

"Hey, how was school?" Opie asked and the kids looked at each other before Ellie sighed and sat at the table, Kenny joined her.

"I got in a fight with Tommy Jenkins, he said Auntie Milla deserved to die, not his brother Joey." She said as she hung her head. "I told him no one deserved to die and it was the bad guys' fault."

Opie looked at his daughter with pride. At nine she was more mature than any kid he knew and loved her family ferociously.

"I hate school." Kenny said as he laid his head on the table, looking despondent.

"What's wrong?" Opie asked his son who moved his head so he could look at his Dad.

"Everyone whispers and points at us. They call us biker trash. Even the teachers say stuff. I was moved to a different reading group because no one wanted to be in a group with me." He said sadly and Opie knew he had to make things better for his children, even if it meant never seeing them again.

"I need to talk to you guys about something, it's really important." He started and the kids focused their attention on him. "How would you guys feel about getting away from here."

…

Milla sighed as she put her docs under the loose floorboards in Espy's room. Tomorrow was the day and they had to be out as quickly as possible. She'd already packed their most important things, things they couldn't leave, in a big military duffle bag and Opie had done the same for Ellie and Kenny. It was real and it was going to happen, they were leaving and there was no looking back.

Once she secured the boards and put down the rug she collected Espy and went outside. She had errands to run and had to go quickly. She had a lot of places to go and very little time.

…

"Hey." Milla said softly as she stood in the doorway of Chantal's office. This goodbye would be hard, especially since she couldn't really say it. Chantal would go to Phil right away if she did.

"Hey, I thought you were off on medical leave." Chantal said as she took in Milla's haggard appearance and obvious exhaustion.

"I am, I just missed the place and decided to stop by. How are you?" She asked and Chantal bit her lip. There was something in Milla's tone which bothered her but she couldn't put her finger on it.

"I'm doing well. Is there something wrong Milla?" She asked and she saw Milla's shoulders slump slightly as she held Espy who wanted to see her Auntie Chantal.

"Nothing more than the usual. Well, I should let you go back to work. Espy wants a kiss though." She said softly and Chantal got out of her seat and walked to her godbaby, kissing her soft cheek. Then, going against everything her man said she kissed Milla's cheek.

"I love you two so much. Goodbye." She said and almost shivered. It felt so final and she didn't know why.

"Goodbye Chantal." Milla said before she turned and left the studio.

…

"Hey Juice! Milla's here!" Dog yelled across the garage to Juice who was elbow deep in the engine of an SUV. He looked up and saw that Dog was right, Milla was standing next to the van with Espy in her arms. He quickly grabbed a rag and wiped off his hands as he left the garage and made his way to his wife and child.

"Dada!" Espy squealed and launched herself into Juice's arms. He cuddled her for a few moments before he loosened his hold and looked at his wife. She looked different, lighter, less like she was burdened by the world. The look in her eyes was even warm when they met his and he saw a trace of the love he thought had been lost.

"What're you doin here Milla?" He asked, knowing she hated to be anywhere near the clubhouse.

"I want you to come home tonight. I'm cooking a special dinner and I want to spend the night with you. I've let things go too far, I need you. Even if it's only for a night." She said and swallowed back tears while he stared a long time, stunned into silence. Soon enough he got his faculties back and spoke.

"I can leave now, spend the rest of the day with you two. Jax would understand." He said and Milla shook her head, she still had a couple more places to go.

"Just come back when you're done. I have some errands to run and then make dinner. Please come home." She practically pleaded and Juice did something he knew he shouldn't have but a voice in his head told him to do it. He closed the distance between the two of them and kissed her, tentatively at first, then, when she didn't pull away, he added more heat to the kiss and felt her melt into him. Just like she used to.

"I'll be home tonight." He whispered as the kiss broke then Milla leaned up and kissed him again before she retrieved their daughter from his arms.

"I love you." Milla said softly before she turned and put Espy in the van. Than she climbed into the driver's seat from the back ad left the lot while Juice watched her go. He knew something was up but he was too happy to have his wife back to dwell on it.

…

"So, Donna, we're leaving tomorrow. I know you'd understand my choice. I need to protect my babies." She said as she looked over at Espy, who was asleep on a blanket next to the gravestone. "I've talked to your parents a bit about this and they're all for it, they promise they won't seek custody as long as the kids call them and they know they're safe. I couldn't have asked for a better response. I wish you were alive babe, we could leave together and raise our kids in a house filled with love where they'd be safe and not want for anything."

She wiped a tear from her eye before she continued. Saying goodbye to Donna a second time was proving harder than she thought.

"You don't have to worry about Ellie and Kenny, they've already been enrolled at the school in our new town and we've got a house with enough room for all of us. It will be hard going at first but Ellie and Kenny are good kids, I know they'll work hard to make our house a home. They're too much like you to fall apart." She blew her nose then continued. "Don't worry about Opie, I know he'll survive, it's what he does. I'm so grateful he made the choice he did but didn't expect anything else. He's a good man and a good father. Someday we'll all see him again but it will be a long time. Ok, I've got to go and make Juice dinner. It's our last night together and I want to make the most of it. I love you Donna, maybe someday I'll visit you again."

…

Milla had placed her food on the warming plate when Juice came in the back way and watched her walk around their kitchen. She looked different to him, even more beautiful. Like the wikdflowers that bloom brightly then die in a few days. She seemed so...impermanent. After he removed his boots and cut he sat at the table by his daughter and watched Milla as she turned and gave him a smile.

"I made your favorite, chicken fried steak, mashed reds and country gravy with a side of fresh green beans. Dessert is a chocolate chip cheesecake." She said as she smiled again then began plating him up the food. "Can you put Espy to bed? She's already eaten and had her bath."

"Sure." He said as a smile spread onhis face. This was his Milla, his woman. She'd come back to him.

…

"No, I did not put the powder in your bra. That shit was all Pete. The damn asshole thought he'd get to see you naked. That's why he always spilt shit on you." He smiled that smile of his, it finally reaching his eyes for the first time in a long time, as he and his wife reminisced about their good times. "It's also why he always had a black eye or two. If anyone saw you naked it was going to be me."

"Remember the firt time we made love?" Milla asked him suddenly and he saw heat enter her eyes.

"Of course I remember, it was the best sex I'd ever had. The first time I'd ever felt anything, really felt anything." He said and watched Milla as she rose from the table, blew out the candles she'd set on the table then ran her hand over his face, like she was memorizing it.

"Why don't we go upstairs? We can make new memories." She said in a voice an octave lower and he rose from the table and took the hand she offered. He followed her into the bedroom and watched her as she closed the door and turned to him. "Make love to me Carlos, make me feel what I used to feel."

As the words left her mouth she walked to him and started to remove her clothes but he stopped her and finished the job, salivating as the body he loved was revealed to him. After that they took it slowly, making love gently as the moon shown through the window. It was like a scene in a shitty romance novel or movie but neither minded the cliches.

They made love like it was the last time, unbeknownst to Juice it was.

…

The next morning Milla woke up to an empty bed. Juice was gone and had left a note saying he'd be back that night. Milla wiped tears from her eyes as she thought about what he'd be coming home to. An empty house, his wife and child gone. Still she was resolved, she was going and so were her babies. After she cried quietly for a few minutes she got out of bed and showered, by the time she got up Espy was awake and she dressed her little girl before she threw some clothes in an overnight bag. They'd have to leave the majority behind but that was fine. They'd rebuild their wardrobes when they got to their destination, a destination Milla didn't even know yet.

After she got them both dressed she packed a bag of food for the trip, enough for all three of them so they wouldn't have to make many stops. Elliot had outlined the plan and Milla didn't want to deviate from it. They had one shot at this and she didn't want to screw it up. The hardest part was going to be losing the prospect but Opie said he was on it, he wanted his kids safe and he'd do what he could to see it happen. Just as Milla's nerves frayed she heard a light knock on the back door and opened it to see Elliot standing there. She quickly grabbed the duffles and handed them to him before she grabbed Espy and went through the door. Once outside she saw a van labeled "Oswald Construction" and went to the side door where one of Elliot's contractors was waiting.

"Get in, we've gotta get a move on." The big man said and Milla nodded as she got in. Once she could see around she saw Ellie and Kenny asleep in sleeping bags in the back. Their faces were tear streaked but still they slept on.

Soon they were on the road and Milla followed the driver's instructions to stay down. After about an hour of driving the adrenaline started to wear off and Milla got drowsy. Once Espy was asleep Milla allowed her eyes to close, knowing that the next time they opened she'd be free to start a new life and give all of her children a good one. They'd be free of the Club and all the shit that came with it.

* * *

…

* * *

**Author's Note**: I'm crying right now as I write this. I never expected the story to take this turn, but I'm glad it did. There's one more chapter to go then the AU will be complete. It's been a wild ride and I can't wait to share the rest of this story with all of you.


	5. A Fresh Start

**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

**A Fresh Start**

"Ellie can you pick Espy off the floor. I can't lift her right now." Milla said as she finished washing the dishes. Ellie didn't say a word as she picked up her little sister and took her into the living room. At two years old Espy was a hellion but she'd do anything for her Ellie. "Kenny, can you get Monty from the bassinet? I'm sorry I can't pick him up right now."

"That's ok mom." Kenny said as he ran into the living room and picked up his little brother who, at three months old, was a good little dude who hardly ever fussed or made any trouble. Milla was grateful for that.

Milla finished with the dishes and liberated Monty from Kenny's arms, it was time for his breakfast. At three months old, Piermont or Monty as he was called, was a beautiful boy with cafe au lait skin that was gradually getting darker and a pronounced nose like his father. In fact he looked so much like Juice that Milla sometimes felt a pain in her chest when she looked at him. Regardless she loved him more than just about anything. As she finished feeding her son she heard a car pull up and a horn honked. She smiled as she went into the living room and placed Monty in his bassinet before she called the kids.

"Ellie! Kenny! Mrs. Henderson's here to take you to school!" She called out and the kids came down the hallway with Espy toddling behind. Both kids were impeccably dressed in their uniforms with Ellie's plaid skirt perfectly pressed and Kenny's tie knotted expertly. Milla had had reservations about sending them to a private school but Elliot assured her it was a great school and he was friends with the headmaster so there'd be no problem getting the kids in. it turned out to be the best thing for them, they were thriving and had many friends in the school. In fact Ellie was the most popular girl in her grade and Milla was so happy for them.

"Mommy, I forgot my phone." Ellie said and Milla smiled before she walked to the side table and took the phone out of the drawer. She'd had the kids keep phones on them at all times in case a Son showed up and tried to take them. She'd die before she'd let them bring her babies back to that hell.

"Here baby." She said as she handed Ellie her phone then she kissed both her and Kenny's cheeks and walked them to the front door and stood on the small porch while they got into Mrs. Henderson's car. They waved before they got in the car and Mrs. Henderson honked as she left the driveway. Milla smiled as she watched them go down the street before she felt a shiver run through her. On instinct she looked around and noticed a beat up car parked across the street in the Millers' driveway. Something told her she should flee and she followed those instincts, they hadn't failed her before.

…

Juice sat in his loaner car across the street from the house watching for movement. According to the paperwork the house belonged to a Meredith Jane Rhodes and was inhabited by her children, all with suspiciously familiar names and birth dates. As Juice took a drink from his flask he saw movement from the front room and sat up to get a better look. The shades weren't completely down so he was able to see inside a bit. The first person he saw through the slot had to be Ellie, it looked like she was wearing a uniform, well that was in line with the research he did. It said the "Rhodes" kids all went to some high class private school. What he saw next caused his heart to race and he had to clutch the steering wheel to stop himself from rushing across the street and bursting through the door. There was his daughter, at two his Espy was a little beauty with tight black curls framing her tiny face and a mischievous little smile on her face. She raised her arms and Ellie picked her up before she walked out of view. The next body he saw was his wife; he'd know that ass anywhere. She was looking for something in a chest by the window and when she bent farther he saw her face and proceeded to squeeze the wheel tighter. She was as beautiful as ever, her clear, pale skin looked almost like it was shining and her dark hair had been dyed a lighter shade of brown that made her dark eyes shine. He found himself wanting to take her into his arms again and at that thought he tore his eyes away and looked hard at the gun in the passenger's seat. That wasn't what he came here for. With a deep breath he ran his hand over his face and focused his mind. Oh no, love wasn't the reason he came here. No, after a year of hell he was going to get his children back and punish the woman who took them away.

…

"Mama, Dee, dee, dee!" Espy shouted happily once Milla came back through the door.

"Yeah honey, Dora's on. Wanna be a good girl and watch it?" Milla asked her daughter and Esperanza nodded with a smile. Milla grinned back and turned to the door, being sure to lock all of the locks on the door, including the deadbolt. Something about the car unnerved her so she felt it was prudent to go a little overboard. At the thought she went toward the back door which was located in the mud room. Sault Ste. Marie got awfully cold and wet in winter and spring so the mudroom had been a godsend. Especially since Espy loved jumping in puddles.

As Milla made her way down the hallway to the mudroom she felt strange, like she was being watched. She felt in her pocket and found comfort in the small tactical folder she kept there. If they found her she'd fight, she wasn't just going to lie down and die. She went into the mudroom and locked the door, distracted by the task. If she would've been paying attention she would have noticed the fresh footprints leading toward the kitchen. She turned and went back through the house and to the kitchen. She was taking the kids to the library for Storytime and she needed to pack a bag of snacks. She walked through and flicked the light switch but was surprised when there was no light. She tried again a couple of times then sighed. She needed new lightbulbs. With a shake of her head she went to the odds and ends drawer and while she was reaching up she heard a noise and reacted too late. A pair of arms encircled her and held her to a hard chest as a hand clamped over her mouth. She tried to scream, tried to bite but her assailant was prepared. He, because there was no doubt it was a he, moved forward and slammed her into the counter, effectively knocking the air out of her. As she struggled to breathe he swung toward the wall and when the movement disoriented her he spun her around and held her to the wall with his hand on her throat. As she struggled she finally looked at her attacker. He was wearing a facemask but his body was familiar. She stretched her hands toward his face and he chuckled. The chuckle caused an electric chill to shoot up her spine. She stopped fighting and he took his free hand and removed the mask, erasing all doubt from her mind.

"Juice..." She whispered painfully and he gave her a predatory smile, filled with malice and a tinge of hate.

"Miss me baby?" He asked as he applied more pressure and she did the only thing she could, she screamed, loud and hoarse, using every ounce of energy she had to project. Juice's hand went up and he slapped her hard enough for her head to snap and she moaned. Her eyes started to droop as he squeezed harder on her throat. She tried to dig her nails into his hands but he just laughed. She summoned up the last of her energy and screamed one last time as she fought. As he went to hit her again another voice screamed from the doorway.

"Mama!" When Esperanza screamed it turned into a chain reaction. Her scream cause Monty to scream loudly in his crib and Juice's hand loosened which allowed Milla to scream again. In a matter of moments Juice let go of Milla and went toward his daughter who flinched away as he crouched down in front of her, fascinated by his baby girl.

"Hey Espy, remember me?" He asked and the little girl shook her head as tears streamed down her face. "I'm your Daddy. Remember your Daddy?"

Espy didn't say anything, she continued to cry and Milla couldn't stand to see her daughter so scared. Once she could breathe again she ran and scooped up Espy before Juice could move and ran with her to the living room where Monty was crying from his bassinet. She'd managed to get to the bassinet and move it behind her while Espy clutched her for dear life. She turned once Monty was stashed in the alcove and was face to face with her husband again. He stayed a few feet away, just staring at them. He looked at Milla and she saw the rage begin to seep from his eyes, replaced by a profound sadness then he took the initiative to speak.

"I came here to kill you and bring the kids back." She pulled Espy tighter and he rubbed his face before he continued. "I can't do it. You're still my wife, still the mother of my children. I can't hurt them like that. We need to talk."

"Ok." Milla said in a scratchy painful voice as her eyes remained wide and Juice walked toward Milla who held Espy tight in one arm and picked up Monty's bassinet. As she backed away from him. He stopped and pointed toward the kitchen. She just nodded and walked backward into the room while Juice directed her to the table.

"Sit, I have a feeling we'll be here awhile."

…

"Want something to drink?" Milla asked in a scratchy, pained voice as Juice sat across from her and stared at Espy on her lap with his son in her arms. His son...he never thought he'd get a son.

"Can I hold him?" He asked as he watched his son fuss in Milla's arms. He was so focused on the thought of holding his children again that he was ignorant of their obvious fear and trauma.

"He's scared right now. He needs to calm down, then we;ll see." She said and Juice glared at her.

"He's my fucking son!" He practically shouted and Milla held Monty tighter as he screamed and Espy wrapped her arms around her mother. It was what Juice needed to see. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare the kids."

"You think killing me in front of them wouldn't have scared them?" She asked harshly and he glared at her.

"You're lucky I didn't just shoot you in the head. I wanted to see the life leave your eyes, I needed to see it." He said while he ground his teeth.

"What the fuck happened to you Carlos? This isn't you." She insisted and Juice snorted.

"_You_ made me this way _Meredith_. I was starting to get back to normal, I had reasons to get up in the morning. Then, one evening I get home to find it empty. My pregnant wife and our daughter are gone. For a few hours I thought you were out running errands but once it got around midnight I knew you were gone. I thought you were fucking kidnapped!" He yelled and Milla held her kids tightly. "I went crazy, I thought the Lobos Sonora's or Niners got you. A daughter for a daughter type thing from the Niners. I went to Oakland, guns blazing, before anyone could stop me. I was lucky, Jax and Chibs followed me. They saved my ass and got me the information I needed. The Niners didn't have you. The next thing I did was find a Lobos Sonora stronghold and with help from the Galindos we lit that shit up. A few tortured cartel fucks got us the information we needed. That was when I knew you'd left and taken my children."

Milla watched him relive the pain and felt her heart answer in response to it. She knew he'd be hurt and she knew he'd probably go crazy but she didn't realize just how broken he'd be by her betrayal. At that moment she realized she'd betrayed him a million times more with her actions than he ever had.

"How did you find us?" She asked quietly and Juice chuckled humorlessly.

"It wasn't easy. It took months to narrow down the list of potential accomplices then Elliot slipped up when he was talking to Jax. After that it wasn't that hard to figure it out. He wasn't that cooperative though." Juice said and Milla felt her chest tighten.

"What did you do to him?" She asked, her eyes full of fear.

"We just took the price for betrayal out of his hide. He's got righty swinging solo." Juice chuckled darkly and Milla took a deep breath. Now Elliot's silence made sense. He was scared and she didn't blame him. "He put up a pretty good fight too, I learned from Chantal that the old fool was in love with you. That how you got the money and the escape. You fuck him for your freedom?"

"Please don't so this in front of the kids." She pleaded and He sat back and looked at them.

"Let me hold my kids." He demanded and Milla reluctantly got up and allowed Juice to pick up his son. Espy was still scared and shaking so he let her stay with her mother. "He's a beautiful boy. It looks like he's got your eyes."

"Yeah, he got everything else from you." She said in a quiet voice and Juice nodded.

"Piermont Carlos, huh? You're all about honoring the old guard aren't you. I'm surprised he wasn't named Clarence Harry or somethin' like that." He said then he looked at his son and smiled down at him. "Did you ever consider callin' me, letting me know you guys were alive?"

"Every damn day for the first couple of months. No matter how scared I was of the Club, the violence…you… I still missed you and loved you and I knew I'd done somethings really wrong. I couldn't turn back though, I'd gone too far." She said as she clutched Espy to her tightly and Juice sighed as he clutched his boy.

"If you woulda told me…we coulda gone together. Gone to Newark or Portland like we'd talked about. I woulda moved heaven and earth for you." He said and Milla shook her head.

"No you wouldn't have. You were too focused on proving your loyalty to the Club, proving that you were beyond reproach. You never woul've left so I had to make the hardest decision of my life and leave you, leave my home and everything I'd ever known." She said sadly and Juice gave her a hard stare.

"Do you know how it was for me after you left? They thought you fucking ratted, especially with the CIA nosing around. Thought you were in WitPro. Then we found out you took Ellie and Kenny…shit when I found that shit out I almost killed Opie, the only thing that saved him was that he moved fast and ducked behind the counter. We found out that he knew and said nothing…Jax refused to strip his fucking patch…" He stared off into nothing for a second then continued. "The bastard helped you kidnap my kids and he got the fucking VP patch for it. I was almost ready to kill myself again, it looked so hopeless. The day you left I lost everything that really mattered to me, even the Club fucked me over. Still think I wouldn'tve left with you?"

"I'm sorry for everything I did, I just needed to make sure my babies were safe." Her explanation would have to do, there really was nothing else to say. Everything she did was for her kid's well being.

"You got a new guy?" Juice asked, ready to find anyone stupid enough to touch her and put a bullet in their skull but Milla shook her head.

"No, it never even crossed my mind. In my mind it's still cheating and I couldn't do that to you. I know it's ridiculous since I never planned on seeing you again but the thought of anyone else touching me makes me sick." She admitted and Juice nodded.

"I haven't gotten pussy since the day you left wither. All my energy was focused on finding you and doing shit for the Club. You killed me when you took off." He confessed and Milla felt like she was going to vomit and Juice decided to change the topic. "How're Ellie and Kenny handlin' this. They looked happy when that lady dropped them off last night. Is it my imagination or did they call you mommy?"

They're wonderful, thriving actually, for the first time in a very long time they're genuinely happy." She said with total confidence before she answered his other question, "Yes, they call me mommy or mom even ma sometimes. I'm all they have and everyone believes they're mine by blood. So it makes sense that I'm mom."

"What about Donna?" He asked and Milla inhaled sharply at the blow to her heart.

"They still remember and love their mother but I'm their mommy too. As far as they're concerned Espy and Monty are their siblings too." She said and Juice looked down at his son who was sucking on the air, finally exhausted from his screaming.

"The Club woulda been ok with his color. I talked to Chibs and Jax about it. You coulda played dumb about my race, then I wouldn'tve had to punish you." He explained and Milla looked at him in a scrutinizing way.

"I couldn't take that risk." She said then sat up straighter as Monty started fussing. It was past his lunch time. "Can you give me Monty? He's hungry."

Juice nodded and handed his son to Milla after she placed Espy on the table next to her, the little girl wasn't leaving her mother for anything. She was still scared of the angry man. Milla automatically moved her wrap shirt to the side and unhooked her nursing bra, completely oblivious to Juice's eyes fixated on her semi-exposed breast. It had been a year since he'd gotten laid and he was definitely contemplating bedding his wife again. Even if it was a rage fuck.

"What do we do now?" Milla asked softly as her son latched to her breast and suckled. Juice watched mesmerized but shook his head and looked in her big brown eyes. He couldn't believe that he had wanted to kill her. No matter how much she hurt, disrespected or humiliated him he still loved her…deeply. She was the other half of his soul, his heart. He couldn't kill her but he had to do something.

"I want my family back. I want you to pack up and come home with me. We'll work it out." He said and Milla shook her head vehemently.

"No, I'm not going back. Don't you get it? Charming's hell, it poisons everyone unfortunate to be within it's borders. I'd rather die than bring my babies back there." She said passionately and Juice growled low in his throat. Then she started speaking quietly. "Come with us…leave the Club and we'll go somewhere…far away. I still love you Carlos, I never stopped."

"You'd really be a family with me again. After everything?" He asked, the husband/father part of him fighting with the Outlaw.

"Yes, as long as you leave the Club. It's caused too much damage to us. Come back to us baby." She pleaded and Juice felt a rise of hope but the feeling plummeted. He was in too deep and had done too much. He couldn't leave the Club and he couldn't leave Charming.

"I can't do that and I can't leave here without you unless you're in a body bag." He said as her eyes widened and Juice just watched her.

"Can't you…can't you say you lost me? Say I caught wind of you coming and took off?" She asked and Juice shook his head.

"I already called Jax, he knows I've found you." He said and watched Milla's eyes move as she thought of different ways she could get out of the death sentence he just handed down.

"How are you supposed to prove that you've done the deed?" She asked and Juice took a deep breath.

"I'm supposed to get pictures…and cut off something from ya. I was gonna cut off your ring finger, prove a point." He said and Milla looked at her hand as she clutched her son.

"What about the kids?" She asked and he shrugged.

"I was just gonna bring them home." He said and Milla nodded before she started to cry quietly. As soon as she saw him she knew something was going to happen. As tears poured down her cheek he reached over and wiped a tear away and thoughts of the first time he touched her came to their minds. That sealed the plan that had started to formulate in Juice's mind. He'd promised himself and the world that he'd protect this woman. Even if it was from himself. "There is something else we could do."

"What?" She asked as she wiped her nose with her sleeve.

"You could kill me." He said in a voice thick with emotion and Milla just stared with wide eyes, she couldn't believe what he just said. He might as well have asked her to carve the heart out of her own chest.

"How could you suggest that?" She said in disbelief and Juice used his thumbs to wipe more tears away.

"It's the only way. I love you baby and I know I can't kill you and I can't run with you and I sure as hell can't bring my kids back to that warzone. If you kill me I'll be able to atone for my sins, make things right with God. You'll be free, I'll make sure you're free. If you don't do this I'll have no choice but to bring all of you home or kill you. Don't make me kill you baby, I'll never recover from that." He said reasonably and Milla looked at him with eyes brimming with confusion.

"You think I will?" She asked and Juice nodded before he leaned up and kissed Milla's lips, savoring the taste and feel of her. "I can't do that…I…I'll go crazy and then our children won't have anyone. We can't do that to them and I can't lose you again."

She whispered it earnestly and Juice knew he was asking too much of her. He also knew that she still loved him and that caused some of the pain in his heart to vanish. If she still loved him that meant he was still redeemable. He just had to find a way to atone for his crimes and he realized what he had to do. He formulated the plan as he looked at his wife who was still crying quietly. Then his eyes went to Espy who was patting her mother's head and making soft cooing noises at her. He moved his hand and touched her little leg and she scrutinized him for a second before she scooted over to him.

"Dada?" She asked and tears entered Juice's eyes as he nodded.

"Yeah baby girl, I'm your daddy." She scooted closer and moved into Juice's arms. Tears poured down his face as he held her, then Milla moved closer and climbed in his lap. He had his family again, now he could do what he needed to do to keep them safe. Protecting his family was his job after all.

…

"Espy and Monty are sleeping. Thank you for helping with lunch." She said as she sat on the couch with him and he smiled as he pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head.

"My pleasure." He looked around the small house they called home and marveled at how he felt. It had been too long since he'd had a place he could truly call home. When Milla left she took "home" with her. While he held her close he felt her start to fidget in her spot and looked at him with eyes that held love and desire. He thought he was hallucinating until she moved so that she straddled him.

"It's been a year since anyone touched me. I want the only hands that glide along this body to be yours." She untied her wrap shirt and took his hands. He swallowed as she placed them under her bra then gave him a deep kiss filled with hunger, longing, love and apology. She moved away when he began to massage her breasts then moved off his lap and held out her hand. He took it and allowed her to lead him to her bedroom. As he made love to her in as many positions as he could summon to his mind the last bit of his fear and trepidation fled. He could do what needed to be done in order to keep his family safe.

…

Later Milla succumbed to the exhaustion the day had left her with and Juice put his plan into action. He got on her computer and found the backdoor Trojan he'd managed to install in her desktop and erased it as well as every other digital footprint he'd put on her. Once her home computer was clean he got into her data and removed her address from her files and any other incriminating evidence. When he was gone he didn't want any other Son finding her. The next thing he did was send an encrypted message to Elliot, telling him to move Milla and the kids to a new home, preferably on another continent, and get her a new job. As he was finishing up he heard a some noises from outside and walked to the window. Ellie and Kenny had come home. Good, he'd been worried he wouldn't be able to say goodbye. He pulled his clothes back on and went downstairs to let them in. When the kids looked at him he saw a look of disappointment enter Ellie's face and fear seep into Kenny's eyes. He ushered them into the house and Ellie sat on the couch with her head down.

"You're here to take us back aren't you?" She asked, knowing things had been too good for too long. Nothing good in her life ever lasted.

"Please don't hurt Mommy, she still loves you. Sometimes she cries in her sleep and says your name, don't hurt her."Kenny pleaded and Juice put up his hands in a gesture of peace.

"No, I'm not going to take you home or hurt Milla. In fact I'm gonna help you get away so you don't have to be afraid of the Club anymore." He said and both kids looked at him expectantly. "I need you guys to do some stuff for me though."

Both kids nodded and Juice felt tears burn the back of his eyes as he thought about why he was going to ask this of them, but he soldiered on.

"I need you two to do everything Milla and Mr. Oswald tell you to do. No complaining or fighting. Ok?" Both kids nodded and he continued. "I need you two to keep being good big brother and sister to Espy and Monty. They're still little so they need a lot of love and things are about to get hard for Milla, she might have some very bad days. I need you to be there for her, love her and help her. She's strong, stronger than anyone I've ever met but this is gonna hurt her. Do you promise to do all of that for me and for Milla?"

"We promise." Ellie said, acting as a spokesperson for both of them.

"Good, can I have a hug?" He asked and both kids hugged him. As they hugged Milla walked into the living room, dressed in a sundress and carrying Espy. When they moved apart Milla put Esperanza down and she ran to her daddy who hugged her and pressed kiss after kiss on her tiny face. He wanted her last memories of him to be good.

While he was with the kids Milla quietly walked away and went to the nursery where she grabbed their son and the camera that was sitting on the rocking chair. She needed memories. When she walked into the living room she smiled as a tear rolled down her cheek. She wanted this to be her reality; she wanted her family whole again. Juice looked up and gave her that smile she loved and she brought up the camera and began snapping away while she balanced Monty in her arms. Juice sat where he was and took in everything. He had his family even if it was for a short time. Eventually Milla got pictures of everyone in the room in a dozen different combinations and a dozen different pictures of them together. While they were taking a picture of Juice and Milla together, no kids his prepay buzzed and he looked at Milla. She nodded and kissed him then she collected the kids and moved to the kitchen. Juice had to do this alone.

"Hey brother." He greeted Jax as soon as he put the phone to his ear.

"You take care of it brother?" Jax asked and Juice confidently replied with the answer he'd been rehearsing in his head.

"Milla took off while I was takin' a piss. She and the kids are still In the wind. I'm gonna get some food then resume the search. Don't worry nothin' short of death is gonna take my family from me this time." He said with a confidence that would've fooled the most complex lie detector.

"Keep me posted." Jax said then hung up and Juice hung up before he took a deep breath and stood. It had to be done and he had to do it now.

"Juice?" Milla asked quietly as she tentatively walked back into the living room and he crossed the distance before he kissed her once, then twice, then three times. Espy started feeling left out so she pulled on his pants leg and he picked her up and gave her a hug and a kiss before he leaned down and kissed son's head. He was going to miss their lives but that was a small price to pay in order to keep them safe.

He kissed all the kids one more time then moved toward the back door, he'd parked in the alley after the kids had gone to school. After he unlocked the door and got it open he felt a pressure on his arm and turned to see Milla standing there with tears pouring from those big brown eyes he loved so much.

"I love you." She said with every ounce of her love for him in the words before she hugged him tightly and he hugged her back then kissed her slowly and sweetly.

"I love you too. Now go and start packing. It's your responsibility to keep the family safe now." He kissed her once more then walked away as she watched him go. She watched until he moved behind the garage and she couldn't see him anymore. After that she closed the door, locked it, then went to the kitchen table and sobbed.

…

Juice took a picture out of his pocket as he drove down the road. It was a surveillance photo of Milla and the kids, the only thing that had kept him sane over the last year. He smiled as he thought about his family and the sacrifice he was going to make for them. As he approached the bridge he began to speed up and as he careened through the barrier he kissed the photograph and said a silent apology to everyone he'd hurt over the years. His mom, his family in Queens, the Club, Milla, his children and finally Miles. When he hit the water the impact caused him to lose consciousness and as the water began to pull him toward the sweet nothingness that laid beyond the last picture in his mind was of Milla sitting with him while they held their children and she smiled at him. He found himself smiling then it was over and his family was safe.

…

Milla knew the moment he died. She was sitting on the couch, crying while the kids ate the pizza she'd ordered. She suddenly felt like her heart had been split in two and couldn't breathe. She eventually managed to get her breath again and sobbed. She didn't know how she'd live on knowing he was gone.

…

Juice would have been happy to know that his life didn't end in vain. When they'd fished his body from the lake they'd shipped him back to Charming and SAMCRO accepted their brother back. The official report stated that he'd hit a patch of black ice and lost control but Chibs and Jax knew better. They knew he couldn't live without his family and had decided to end it. They kept this knowledge to themselves and laid their brother to rest with all the honors that his status afforded him.

Elliot was present at his funeral and made sure Milla knew her husband was honored in death. Before he left the cemetery he placed a tiger lily on Juice's grave and thanked him for his sacrifice.

After he left Gemma and Clay, who'd both miraculously managed to survive the turnover and war, walked to their son-in-law's grave and saw the tiger lilly. Normally, Gemma would have stalked up to Elliot and demanded to know where her daughter was but this time she just let it go. Content in the sacrifice Juice had made and the knowledge that her little girl was safe and protected. Clay just kissed his fingertips and touched the flower before he walked away from the grave. The boy had done good and his little girl and grandchildren were safe. He'd be content with that.

…

A little more than nine months after Juice sacrificed himself to save his family there was a new addition to it. Milla gave birth to another child, a boy whom she named Juan Carlos after the father he would never know. The boy was the spitting image of his father and she thanked any deity that would listen for him every day. Juan Carlos and his siblings kept her from going crazy and she was eternally grateful for them.

Milla never remarried or even took another lover. Her life was her children and then she lived for her grandchildren. They made her life worth living and she knew she would have been lost without them.

…

Milla walked through the graveyard and marveled at the changes that had been made over the years. The cemetery, like Charming had developed and evolved with the times. There were headstones boasting advertisements and crypts with an endless audio loop of the dead speaking to loved ones. She ignored these new and gaudy markers and made her way to the section of the graveyard that was reserved for the Sons. She'd already said her goodbyes to her Father and Piney and now she stood at her mother's grave. Over the years she'd found forgiveness in her heart and now she apologized as she kissed the stone. She wished things could have been different but it could never be. With a final "I love you" she moved to Jax and Tara's graves. They were buried side by side under headstones fit for a king and queen. She gave them the same treatment as her mother and thanked Jax for treating Juice with love and respect as he put him to his final rest. On she wnet through the rows, saying her goodbyes to uncles and aunts and friends until she reached the grave that she'd come home for.

At Juice's grave Milla cleaned off the old flowers and dusted off the solar panel that kept his holo flowers up twenty four hours a day. JC had thought they were cool so on his last trip to the States he'd put them on his father's grave and Milla appreciated it. Once the stone and surrounding area were clean Milla kissed the headstone then sat back against it and rested her eyes. As she did that she reached to her heart and pressed a button she'd recently had implanted near her pacemaker. With her stage four cancer the doctors had agreed to the implant of a DWD button or "Death With Dignity" and Milla was thankful to them. Now she would be able to die with the man that she always loved, a good man who'd sacrificed himself to save their family. Soon her heart slowed and as it stopped she spoke her last words.

"I love you Juice."

* * *

…

* * *

**Author's Note:** There it is the end of the story. I had to stop several times as I was writing it to sob. I've never had to write something so emotionally exhausting before before and I hope you felt that it was a fitting end for the story. For those of you who actually get to see the premiere tonight I hope it lives up to your expectation.. I don't have cable so I have to wait but I know it will be worth the annoyance. Thank you all for reading and reviewing.


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